Tips For Managing Conflict During Your Divorce

You are at one of the worst points in your life when you are going through a divorce.  As a result, conflict is inevitable. You want one thing in the divorce settlement, but your spouse wants something else. That kind of conflict is normal. When the conflict colors every aspect of the case it can become problematic.

Putting the Kids First

When there are children in a marriage, it is important to focus on decisions that are in the children’s best interest. While it is impossible to completely shield children from the divorce, it is important that the parents monitor how the kids are affected by the process and the inevitable conflict caused by the divorce. When each parent puts the children first in their divorce rather than focusing exclusively on what that parent wants, the conflict level is generally lowered. The reality is that both parents are going to move from a situation where they have access to their children every day to one where they get to see them only a fraction of that time. That is hard for a parent to accept and it is very easy to fall into the trap where a parent is so focused on getting more time with their kids that they lose the ability to have any objectivity on the situation. While no parent can be completely objective where their children are concerned, every effort must be made to move in that direction.

The Longer the Marriage… The More Difficult the Divorce Can Be

You or your spouse may be very angry about how the other has managed money over the years which has led to the divorce. You may be looking at retirement, but now have fewer years to prepare. Maybe your spouse has worked, while the other raised the kids. Splitting everything 50/50 may sound reasonable at first, but what if one of the spouses has marketable skills and a good job that can increase their retirement savings after divorce in a way that the other spouse cannot. That may result in conflict between the parties because the spouse without the good job suddenly realizes that whatever property they get in the divorce may have to last them for the rest of their life.

The Impact of Infidelity

If there was infidelity, that can make for a very conflict-filled divorce. You may think an affair is no big deal, but to your spouse, it may be a huge deal. Your spouse will undoubtedly feel betrayed. Having honest, straightforward conversations is the best way to combat anger and resentment. Sometimes just acknowledging that the infidelity has caused the other spouse pain may help to reduce the conflict. Never underestimate the power of apologizing for the way this was handled, even if you are not sorry you had the affair.

Some lawyers avoid giving their clients bad news, which may lead to greater conflict in the divorce. If I’m not honest about the realities of the case, I am doing my clients a disservice. It’s important that you understand the constraints placed upon you by the law. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve had clients say, “Well, that’s just not fair.” You may be 100% correct, however, the law is not always fair, but it is always the law. It’s what we must work with.  The more realistic you are about your divorce and what you can achieve under the constrictions of the law, the better you can lower the conflict and the better the overall outcome of your case.

Our office is located at 3000 Weslayan, Suite 365, Houston, TX 77027. Our office number is (713) 526-2400.